All I want for Christmas is…


…me, myself and I. Coated in silence.
This Christmas is a selfish one, where I all I have to do is to take care and wish the best for the one I can’t live without: myself. Sounds mean, isn’t it?
When I say I need myself I don’t say it in a narcissistic way, even though I wish I’d be more like that. But what I mean is that I need myself fully in charge of me.  I don’t want to pour too much of who I am in others, cause I come in one package only, without refills. And you can’t pour out of an empty glass.  That’s kind of what my mother does with her family: she gives of all herself and puts everything into us, that she’ll be nothing without us. I don’t mind doing that when the times will come, but just not now.
When I think the energy is right I give time and all of me to those around, sometimes forgetting to feed myself first. You see, you have let’s say a maximum of 15 hours per day to do things right. You have to choose wisely where you put your energy, soul and mind into. My mother did that with us, her children and husband. All her emotions, care and thoughts are going to us. When you do this you play a Russian roulette game, not knowing what the future holds. But she will win, cause we’ll always return her care. And yes, the greatest thing in life which you can do is loving  others more than yourself. They say you’ll receive as much as you put out. That’s fine by me, as long as I remember to start and end the day with myself. In between I’ll care for the others.
I want peace of mind. Calmness of mind and spirit. Happiness, but a quiet one. Where things happen because it comes naturally to.
This Christmas I realized how important is to be in good terms with everyone around you, but most importantly with yourself.
How important is to have a quiet mind and peaceful soul, knowing you don’t have to wait in a painful way for someone to take care of you. How important is to lay on the couch with a friend, have a glass of wine and let your mind wander, without choking in anxiety questioning yourself about others around you, which are acting shady and are playing games for the fun of it. How important is to be real, relaxed, simple and focused, without giving your heart unwanted spasms, and to your brain sleepless nights.
Being scared of loneliness is seeing the empty half of the glass. Being alone and caring for yourself is actually the full part of it. And how everything started from nothing, everything starts again from silence. Going again back to black, back to basics. Dropping everything you hold yourself onto, it might be beliefs or people which don’t belong anymore.
You see, for Christmas is all about family and good friends. Family means comfort, home, joy and only those who’re important and matter.
And then, if you have to wish for something more, because being loved and having someone to love is not enough in today’s days, wish for something to make yourself better. Choose something out of this material world, and make yourself the gift. Accomplish your own wish, work hard for it or viceversa, drop working and stressing that much.
All I want for Christmas is my dear ones to be happy, wherever they are. And I wish they’re happy in the way they want to be.
My definition of happiness is different then yours, so that’s why you should choose your happiness and stand for it.
This Christmas girls are going for fillers and rejuvenation of skin, I’ll ask for rejuvenation of soul. Time and patience with myself. Regaining the goods and dropping the bad. Caring more for myself and those who are giving care in return. Caring less for those who don’t. I’ll ask for solid feet to keep me grounded when I need to take decisions, and airy vision for the rest of the days. I’ll ask for more difficult situations which push me out of boundaries, just to discover more about myself. I’ll ask for simple days and chilling evenings, and a friend to talk to.
This Christmas everyone is wishing for something, there aren’t enough stars on the sky to fall in order to make it happen.
But with all this craziness of running up and down to get presents, this year I’ll chose to stay quiet. I’ll be spending time with myself. That’s my present for myself. What present you have for myself? Ups, I mean yourself

Crăciun fericit !:)

One thought on “All I want for Christmas is…

  1. We find ourselves so we can give to others, it’s not selfish , it’s just the work we do on our way to better understand compassion, to understand that we are all one.

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